Edmund Pettus Bridge
Yesterday was a day of glitter and glitz at the
Oscars. It is often interesting to see what else has happened on the same day through history. The big one that stands out is “Bloody Sunday” on March 7, 1965.
The connection with the Oscars is to see so many people of color walking grandly to the stage for awards and think about those people of color who, 45 years ago also walked. What a different walk that was, across Selma, Alabama’s “Edmund Pettus Bridge”, where they were met with tear gas and police clubs during a voting rights march.
It was a courageous time when so many still in their teens banded with leaders who were willing to put not just their names on the line; their lives were also up for grabs. Here is where 600 plus individuals came together to say “It will stop with me”.
This was an active solution to lives lived in fear. It was where those who had been victimized for generations threw off the victim mantle and began to explore options, to take charge of their lives in a new way.
The color lines are more blurred at the Oscar ceremonies than ever before. There is a camaraderie based on creativity and a search for excellence. The film “Precious” however, shows that the poverty and sadness of past generations of poverty and struggle still has a long way to go. Yet, and yet, there is the beauty of the human spirit that shines through and gives hope that we are, albeit slowly, moving in the right direction.
However, some stay so, so stuck; when it was announced that Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education is to meet with students at the Robert E. Lee High School in Montgomery, Alabama on Tuesday, to commemorate the anniversary of Bloody Sunday, there was controversy. The school had opposed the march those long years ago and therefore this opposition should still be respected, so goes the rhetoric.
When do we let go of the past and move to higher ground? When do we clear the past to free the present? In some places it simply and sadly takes longer.
Posted in Collaboration, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Fear, History, leadership development.
Tagged with Behavioral Patterns, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware.
There is an interesting new TV program airing this Friday; “Who Do You Think You Are?” based on finding the long lost ancestors of celebrities.
This is not just for the rich and the famous. I believe we all would benefit from finding out more about where we came from, and what patterns of behavior were handed down from generation to generation.
Most of us are interested in ourselves and don’t care all that much about the stories of those who came before us. We are polite when grandparents talk about “walking miles to school on dirt roads in flimsy shoes with only an apple for lunch.” We say to ourselves that times have changed and that was then, not the way it is now. We want to stay in the present and not look back.
So, what is the value of searching for ancestors and finding out more about where we came from? Lisa Kudrow, of “Friends” fame and producer of the new series put it clearly “We always forget how important history is. It informs everything that happens after.”
In “Don’t Bring It to Work”, there is a way to begin the search for your own history, because Kudrow is right, the past does inform everything that happens after. In the book is an outline of a “Sankofa Map”. The word Sankofa comes from Ghana and means “clear the past to free the present”.
What we know we can change, what remains hidden, can haunt us. No, it is not possible to know all the details; that is not what matters. What matters is finding the themes that have tumbled through our histories. So, often with a little time and willingness to dig down, the pieces of our personal histories are available to us.
It is so important for leaders to take the concept of self awareness into the long-ago past and find out how the patterns handed down from great grandparents to grandparents to parents to children through the ages impact decisions made right now.
The stories we learn about can be fascinating and shed light on why we do what we do. Every family has its share of heroes as well as villains and we can then pull on the positive patterns and stand on the shoulders of the past rather than repeat it.
Posted in Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Health, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, leadership development.
Tagged with Behavioral Patterns, Communication, Conflict, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Health, History, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Money, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, Relationships, Sankofa.
Sometimes there is a frustrating moment when you are not sure what you see, hear, and feel is making sense to anyone but you. It is making you crazy. Are you the only one wondering what is going on in this meeting? Are you are the only one sensing the tension and disconnect?
Maybe, just maybe, it is not what is happening in the room at that exact time. Perhaps, it is a memory trace of a past event in your life, and there you are, in a sense, re-living it.
The scientific term for this is called an engram. Here is an example: You are a toddler and the family is going to the beach for the first time. Everyone is excited about flying from land-locked Oklahoma to Florida.
Your parents talk about swimming in the ocean, the warm blue water and the pretty white waves. You are old enough to know this will be special.
Then you get to the beach and it is pouring rain. You stand with your family on the motel patio and sense the upset and annoyance.
Now, fast-forward: you are a grown-up and you are taking your family to the beach. It is a sunny day and everything is working perfectly; except, you are depressed and sad. Do you feel as though you are crazy? Of course you do!
Blame it on your brain. The old trace memory from long ago has kicked in, and while it is certainly possible to shake off the upset, you wonder why it happened in the first place.
Many times we can go back and connect the dots of old memories; often we can’t. So, if your feelings are not connected to the situation of the moment, know it is an earlier pattern from the past at play.
Remember: 1. You do bring your past with you whether you want to or not.
2. Every thought and situation is recorded in your memory system.
3. Present reactions may be knee-jerk responses to the past.
So, when the guy next to you in a meeting says something that presses your buttons non-stop, ask yourself if this is from what is actually happening in the present, or does he remind you of your older, know-it-all brother who used to drive you crazy?
You can learn more about patterns by going to www.sylvialafair.com and take the pattern aware test to see what drives you to distraction.
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Employers, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Transformation, Trust.
Tagged with Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Coaching, Communication, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Psychology, Relationships, Workplace Relationships.
This is a time for women to pat themselves on the back for all the successes that have come in the last 60 years. The role of women has changed dramatically, and it has been mostly a quiet revolution.
But there have been some loud bumps and bleeps along the way, like the angry wife who took action to cut off her husband’s private parts, rather than just wish she could. With the rash of cheaters now making the headlines that may be something to rethink instead of all the shame-faced public apologies. Scratch that, it was just a wandering thought!
Since, within the next several months women will become the majority of the workforce, and we know there is power in numbers, it is an important time to think about what we, both female and male, want to have as change initiative, moving forward.
I would like to underline the importance of a partnership model. Women and men need to talk in a new and more effective way. It is about how we connect and relate around the things that matter most – our relationships and how to be stewards for the future generations.
Not enough air time has been given to these priorities, and as a society I believe we are suffering and self- medicating through substances, sex, and shopping.
There is a new feminism (what about a new ‘malism’) that takes into account the differences in the way men and women are wired. We need to find a middle way that takes into account how male and female brains process information. Not good or bad, just DIFFERENT.
Even more importantly, we need to take into account the legacy we hand to the next generation. So far, we, and that means all of us, have not gotten high marks here. What are we teaching our kids about what it means to be a woman, a man, a business person, a citizen, a human being?
The workplace is the place where change can happen and happen quickly. It is the place that has changed the most in the past century. It is the place that women and men can begin a true dialogue and real partnership can occur.
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Executive Teams, History, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Marital coaching, Media, Money, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, The media, Transformation, Trust, Uncategorized, Women in the workplace, Workplace Relationships, leadership development.
Tagged with Celebrity cheaters, Change initiative, Cheaters, Female vs Male thinking, Feminism, Future generations, Models, Partnership model, Pulbic apologies, Relationships, Self-medicating, Substance abuse, Women vs Men, Women's revolution, Women's success.
We are living in an era of polarities. Our government is a house divided, not just by being Republicans and Democrats, but by taking extreme views on just about everything and then, as we all see, nothing happens. We are polarized, and we are stuck.
Same thing happens in the workplace when there is too much emphasis on only thinking about the positive. In an organization that leaves no room for dissent, we get a variation of the movie “Pleasantville” (if you haven’t seen it, it is worth the time).
There are ideas that if you focus only on the positive then, like magic, the genie will appear and you will get what you want. That is the premise of the book “The Secret” that has made millions for the authors and has done little for readers.
Recently I heard someone say “If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your definite plans”. There is a mystery to our lives, and part of joining into the essence of that mystery is to be real, and to accept the ebb and flow of life in its entirety.
What do I mean by being real? That means accepting the bitter with the better, and telling ourselves and others the truth about what we see, think and feel.
The new way of doing things is to find a balance between looking at the good in our lives, and being appreciative, as well as letting our angry, sad, or disappointed emotions show.
After the super-bowl, the coach, Jim Caldwell showed what real is in an appropriate way. He acknowledged that he and the team were upset, and yes, they would sulk for awhile. Then they would bounce back and use the disappointment of losing this big game to their advantage for next year.
I guarantee that the best way to handle being upset is to…well, be upset. You really don’t move on until you get the hurt and sadness out. If it sits in you, it leads to long term patterns of avoidance and denial, two of the most common and destructive patterns that can destroy a team or a company.
You can see the results of too much of phony happiness and what to do about it in “Don’t Bring It to Work”. Learn to monitor your own behavior so you don’t get caught in the trap of playing “let’s pretend”.
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, Fear, Health, Human Resources, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation, Trust, leadership development.
Tagged with Anger in the workplace, Balance, Humor in the workplace, Jim Caldwell, Life's plans, Polarities, Super Bowl Coach.
Why not make Valentine’s Day into a week celebration; or a month, or a whole year? Be a leader and help position it as a daily delight, day after day.
Now, let’s talk about a rare gift that can become a Valentine phenomenon; one without an expiration date like flowers, chocolates, or dinner at a candle lit restaurant. What I’m talking about you can give and keep giving for years. It is…. drum roll please….. an insurance policy!
Yee gads, you say; nothing romantic about an insurance policy. In fact that can be somewhat depressing. They are there for accidents, floods, earthquakes, and death. Go away, I hear you mumble.
Just listen for a minute….. I’m talking about something so radical, so revolutionary in the insurance field it can only be called “love insurance” and it takes a certain type of person, a true visionary leader, to understand the power of what I am saying. If you have vision and grit, then keep reading……give the gift of pattern busting!
Huh, you say! Not very romantic! And maybe you are thinking, how does whatever the heck pattern busting is, relate to insurance? Here’s the net-net. You know it is important to eat right and exercise to keep fit. You know you need to be seen for a regular check up by your dentist and physician. Those are preventive measures for health and longevity.
So, why not also consider your emotional well being, your emotional intelligence; important at home as well as for your career. You see, when you are healthy both physically and emotionally those around you benefit. Beginning to see the “love insurance” tie in?
What we have learned from a decade of facilitating the blockbuster program “Total Leadership Connections” is that it includes a built in insurance policy. Our insurance policy has an action component; it is called the OUT TECHNIQUE.
Here’s how it works: once you learn to observe your behavior patterns, the ones that always get annoyed stares from your family or your co-workers; you can learn to stop that dreaded behavior. Life becomes easier. Then, when you understand where these patterns began and what to do about it, you have even deeper and longer lasting change. And for the home run, when you transform these patterns to the positive side…. that’s where the “love insurance” kicks in.
That’s when you, your family and those you work with see the changes, hear you differently and respond to you in new and happier ways. So, take a free quiz, and find out what patterns are keeping you from being in the best shape possible. And you can call us for a free consultation on effective ways to bust through the old behaviors; the ones that get in the way of optimum living. Take a step in the direction of getting everyone the best insurance policy on the planet. Go to www.sylvialafair.com or call us at 570 636 3858. Let’s make Valentines Day more than a time of wine and roses and chocolate.
Posted in Business, Coaching, Executive Teams, Holiday, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Transformation, leadership development.
Tagged with Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Transformation.
hubris: overbearing pride or presumption
The word hubris is a fascinating one. It contains a warning: When you are too sure of yourself, beware of a fall!!! It is a great lesson to learn, both on a personal and a professional level.
Remember Enron; weren’t they called “the smartest guys in the room?” Whatever happened to Atari? How about Fannie Mae? Those who work, or used to work, on Wall Street have had to, or should look up the word hubris.
And Toyota. What do we say about that icon of excellence? A key to looking at what goes wrong with great companies is detailed in a book written by Jim Collins “How the Mighty Fall”. It is an important analysis of what he calls “the arc of tragedy” that can happen to the best of companies when hubris comes calling.
Collins outlines five key points to pay attention to. So, if your company is having a high-time, even in this still wobbly economy, pay attention. At the first stage, where hubris is magnified, there is a sense of invincibility; nothing can change the trajectory of success. The pattern of denial enters front and center and everyone is so busy congratulating each other that there are no checks and balances, no little kid saying that maybe the emperor is naked.
Next is the “more is better” mindset. As anthropologist Gregory Bateson pointed out, “At some point more, including even oxygen, becomes toxic”. This seems to be the curse of our modern society, and perhaps the present economy is helping to create a course correction. Core values become greed and over- expansion.
Then denial becomes pathological. Bad news is ignored and distorted rose-colored glasses are worn by everyone in the company (or the country). This is where the proverbial deck chairs are rearranged, i.e.: reorganized without being able to admit what is not working and make basic changes.
Next phase is common in companies, as well as personal relationships. Maybe an acquisition will make it all better, or for a couple it’s time to have a baby to solve the difficulties. There is a sense of desperation and none of the core issues are targeted. More denial and salve, with no medicinal value.
Finally, the great have fallen, and as we have seen all too often in the past several years, there is the death of a company, a last gasp before patterns of denial and avoidance offer the final blow?
Is it time we look hubris in the face, own our own shadow behaviors, and learn a new way to transform companies, transform ourselves, when we get so far off track? The next few months should be great learning times for all of us.
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Economy, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Money, Patterns, Super Achiever, The media, Trust, leadership development.
Tagged with Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Economy, Executive Teams, hubris, Jim Collins, Leadership, Patterns, self-reflection, Toyota, Workplace Relationships.
Leadership and creativity are linked at a core level. Great leaders are also artists in many areas. The following amazing photographs show us how, if we trust each other and find that core creative place, we can make the ordinary extraordinary!
In Japan, rice is essential to life, both for food and as a way of life. Rice planting season has made this very small island culture into one where there is cooperation and collaboration. You can only plant and harvest rice in certain seasons, and it takes the effort of many to make this happen. Once the basics of planting are no longer an issue, look at the creativity that can come with doing the same thing year after year and making it new and unique.
As I looked at these photographs I wondered who came up with the ideas. Then I thought……………who cares? It is a team effort, and the results speak for themselves. Having been to Japan many times, I was always fascinated by the lack of “me, me, me” ego so often seen in the West. Collaboration is at the heart of the hard work that went into these works of art. Enjoy.
Stunning crop art has sprung up across rice fields in Japan, but this is no alien creation. The designs have been cleverly planted.
Farmers creating the huge displays use no ink or dye. Instead, different color rice plants have been precisely and strategically arranged and grown in the paddy fields.
As summer progresses and the plants shoot up, the detailed artwork begins to emerge.
A Sengoku warrior on horseback has been created from hundreds of thousands of rice plants. The colors are created by using different varieties. This photo was taken in Inakadate, Japan.
Napoleon on horseback can be seen from the skies. This was created by precision planting and months of planning by villagers and farmers located in Inkadate, Japan.
Fictional warrior Naoe Kanetsugu and his wife, Osen, whose lives are featured on the television series Tenchijin, appear in fields in the town of Yonezawa in the Yamagata prefecture of Japan.
This year, various artwork has popped up in other rice-farming areas of Japan, including designs of deer dancers. Smaller works of crop art can be seen in other rice-farming areas of Japan, such as this image of Doraemon and deer dancers
The farmers create the murals by planting little purple and yellow-leafed Kodaimai rice along with their local green-leafed Tsugaru, a Roman variety, to create the colored patterns in the time between planting and harvesting in September.
The murals in Inakadate cover 15,000 square meters of paddy fields.
From ground level, the designs are invisible, and viewers have to climb the mock castle tower of the village office to get a glimpse of the work.
Closer to the image, the careful placement of the thousands of rice plants in the paddy fields can be seen.
Rice-paddy art was started there in 1993 as a local revitalization project, an idea that grew from meetings of the village committees. The different varieties of rice plants grow alongside each other to create the masterpieces.
In the first nine years, the village office workers and local farmers grew a simple design of Mount Iwaki every year. But their ideas grew more complicated and attracted more attention.
In 2005, agreements between landowners allowed the creation of enormous rice paddy art.
A year later, organizers used computers to precisely plot planting of the four differently colored rice varieties that bring the images
Posted in Collaboration, Communication, Consulting, Diversity, Economy, Education, Employers, Ethics, Executive Teams, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Psychology, Reflections, Super Achiever, Team Building, Transformation, Trust.
Tagged with Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Collaboration, Diversity, Economy, Family-Based Patterns, Japanese art, Leadership, leadership programs, Natural art, Resilience, Rice, Workplace Relationships.
We all hear each other, can’t help that. Even when we put our fingers in our ears, much of the sound bleeds through. It’s easier to close our eyes and block out the view. With sound, it is much more difficult.
When a leader is making a point and wants what he or she is saying to register in another person’s brain, the most important thing to do is check out what is said – often what is said is not always what we really hear. Let me repeat………Often we say things thinking we have gotten through to others, and they stare at us blankly. The sounds went in, not the meaning.
To get your point across, you must be consistent, clear, and credible. Listen up! To get your point across you must be, let me say it again — consistent… clear… and……….. credible.
Now let me take what I said even deeper. Research by the Pritchard Group indicates that to really, and I mean really, really prove your point, you need to repeat what you have said eight times. Yes, that is correct EIGHTtimes.
When you repeat concepts with consistent words and actions eight times, your chances of getting key points across increase exponentially. You see, repeating what you want heard eight times gives your nervous system time to fire the neurons in a repetitious way.
Now, most of you never heard of Hebb’s Law, yet it will help you right now. Hebb was a neuroscientist who came up with a great sound bite. He did this in an era when sound bites were uncommon, and so he was a real pioneer in science and in marketing. His law states that “neurons that fire together wire together”.
If he were alive today, he would encourage you to repeat your important statements eight times. My guess is that Hebb would also suggest that when you repeat your statements eight times, you need to be along with consistent, clear and credible. And, he would assure you that by the time you get to your eighth repetition, you will be known as a consistent, clear and credible leader.
This really works. Today we would call it pattern repetition. And what we want to do is reinforce healthy patterns like: courage, collaboration, and cooperation. That’s what we do in our Total Leadership Connections program (repeat this last paragraph seven more times please!)
Now it’s time for a pop quiz:
To be a leader who is seen as consistent, clear, and credible, how many times should you repeat your statements to drive a concept home? Mail your answer to me at www.sylvialafair.com and get a surprise prize…..or maybe eight!
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, Leaders, Leadership, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Trust, leadership development.
Tagged with Behavioral Patterns, Hearing each other, Leadership, leadership programs, Listening, Repititions, Team Building, Workplace Relationships.
The saga o
f John Edwards is more tragic than it is disgusting. Here is a man who has lied and lied, not just to the world, but most importantly, to himself. And my big question is why we, as a nation, are so gullible? Why did we take so long to see his charade?
Were there aspects of his tendency to cover the truth when he was running for President of the United States? He always posed with such a pretty face and spoke such pretty words. I remember having an annoying feeling in my gut that all was not right with his world and yet, and yet….it takes determination and a capacity for tenacity to even become a contender for the White House crown. He had credentials and had been vetted by his colleagues, deemed worthy of the job.
The day I knew he was down in the dirt of it was when he visited his “past relationship” late at night and on his way out was caught by a reporter and made a dash to run and hide. That made me cringe, thinking about how he would have handled a major international crisis.
Now, I can only hope he finds a way to make peace with all of his relationships: his ill wife, his children with her, his “mistress”, and the love-child they brought into the world.
This type of situation goes deeply into the psyches of the next generation, and the next. In our Total Leadership Connections program, participants are asked to chart their family history – to learn what patterns of the past have influenced their present thinking and behavior. It is an eye opening process that helps leaders become clear about what “baggage” they carry into their important jobs.
Perhaps all captains of industry, all leaders of organizations, all who are in positions of power for the public good need to take the time to do what we have named the “Sankofa Map”. The term Sankofa is from Ghana, from its mythology and means “clear the past to free the present”.
The wisdom of older cultures is that they took into account the behaviors of ancestors. There was a sense that what was done would impact both present and future generations. These concepts might serve us well in this day of instant gratification and power paradigms.
For John Edwards, Elizabeth, et al., I can only hope that there is a period of honesty and truth telling that can begin the long, arduous process of clearing the past to free the present.
Posted in Accountability, Avoider, Business, Honor, Leaders, Leadership, Marital coaching, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Political distrust, Politics, Power, Psychology, The media, Transformation, Trust.
Tagged with Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Book, Business, Communication, Consulting, Emotions, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, History, John Edwards, Leaders, Leadership, Media, neuropsychology, Neuroscience, pattern aware, Patterns, Sankofa.
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